Today, there were tears in Mama’s eyes and it felt like a stray fish bone got stuck in my throat.
Maybe you will judge me, or maybe not, but I will tell you what happened.
Mama worries, she worries a lot.
If you ask her, she’d tell you it started yesterday when I dished and ate the food I didn’t join her in preparing, but it started way before that.
Several months ago, shortly after my 31st Birthday, I moved back home. If you silently screamed “Why”, I understand. But wait…
Tade had just left, and my heart felt too big for my chest, so I thought I needed my mother, I thought I needed to be home. I was right, but my mother wouldn’t let me mope around in peace.
9 a.m. today:
I sat at my desk, the soft hum of my laptop filling the room. I had opened my window earlier, letting in the fresh morning air. The sunlight filtered through, casting a warm glow on my workspace. I adjusted my glasses and focused on the lines of code on my screen, finding solace in the familiar rhythm of my work.
“Kaaro oko mi”, Mama said, her voice a soft sigh from the doorway and I knew what else was coming. ” So you could not come out to greet us ehn? Because of this work work work ehn? Asake?”
‘Sorry Mummy, Emabinu, I woke up late and I needed to finish up this work.’
‘’Okay o, no problem o, I will always say my own. Your food is in the kitchen when you are ready, even though you didn’t wake up early to help me again, like yesterday.’’
‘Emabinu Maami’
“I will leave you to your work, Remember that I taught you, when they start complaining in your husband’s house”
She left and I sighed
Today was going to be one of those days.
12 p.m.:
Mama was back, this time she sat on my bed.
“Asake!”
‘Yes, ma’
“You’ve not left this house in 3 weeks, Kilode?”
‘I don’t need anything outside ma’
“What do you mean you don’t need anything outside?
Won’t you visit your friends?”
‘We have all been busy ma’
“What of Vitamin D? Vitamin D nko?”
I was silent.
“Asake?”
‘Mama, please,’ I said softly. ‘I just need some time to breathe.’
Mama’s gaze held concern, leaving worry lines on her face. “You can’t hide forever, Asake. Life is out there.”
I traced the grain on the wooden desk. ‘I’m not hiding, Mama.’
A tear dropped from her eye as she left my room. She paused in the doorway, her voice trembling. “Asake, I just want you to be happy. Seeing you like this… it breaks my heart.”
I watched Mama retreat to the kitchen, her footsteps echoing in the hallway. Her words pierced through me, leaving a hollow ache. I felt bad for hurting her, for making her worry so much.
Tade:
Tade’s laughter echoed in my mind, a bittersweet memory. It was my favorite thing about him. When Tade laughed, it was genuine. He had no idea how to fake anything. Not his laughter, not his joy, not his love for me.
We met in university, and he was my first love, my sweetheart. With Tade, I felt free and happy. He made me comfortable enough to explore new things and places. We would spend hours talking about our dreams, our future, and the adventures we would have together.
Our first trip to the beach. The sun was setting, painting the sky in hues of orange and pink. Tade held my hand as we walked along the shore, the waves gently lapping at our feet. “Asake, promise me we’ll always find time for moments like this,” he had said, his eyes reflecting the colors of the sunset.
“I promise,” I had replied, my heart swelling with love and contentment.
But promises are fragile.
A few months ago, Tade had to leave the country for a job opportunity. We promised to stay in touch, to keep our love alive despite the distance. But as the days turned into weeks, his calls became less frequent, his messages shorter. Eventually, they stopped altogether.
I tried to reach out, but there was no response. The silence became deafening, and the pain of his absence, a constant ache in my chest. I wish I at least got a goodbye. So I waited, for weeks, for months, for a message, for a goodbye, for anything.
I guess a part of me is still waiting…
Outside doesn’t feel the same without him.
But, Mama worries, she worries a lot. Maybe it’s time for some real Vitamin D?
This took me through various emotions, thanks for this lovely piece
Thank you Mary
Omo
I was even thinking maybe he died
Awwww, Death is not the most terrible thing though
You got me from the point you said Tade left. Well done, ma’am.
Thank you Adeyinka